COAFSE

Please share your story of
#Triumphoveradversity

Hey,
Want to do something meaningful on International Women’s Day?
Don’t make girls compete against XYers who identify as women. Let girls regain equal access to sports scholarships. Love #COAFSE ... See more

“To err is human-to forgive...divine.”
Alexander Pope had everything figured out.

Why is it that people are so reluctant to apologize for business transgressions? Why will they work so hard to avoid owning the mistake and apologizing for it? I truly do not understand. Is this ego? Is this a childhood flashback where one fears they’ll receive a super big time out if they admit that they’re wrong?

I don’t mean to brag, but being wrong 100 times a day makes me an expert at apologizing… And when i say it, I truly mean it. I try to take the lesson by considering the other person’s point of view and what hardship my mistake may have caused them. That said-nothing is going to get done if we remain in neutral. We have to risk making mistakes. We will make some bad calls-in other words-we will most certainly prove ourselves to be human.

So it must just be stinginess on our part if we are unwilling to let the person who’s been inconvenienced by our mistake become “divine” through their forgiveness of us.

We are going to engender more trust if we quickly own our stuff and move on. People want to do business with ethical people-At this point-nobody has the expectation of doing business with the perfect person-and in the future, when we can-chances are they will not own a beating heart.

So, get on out there and make somebody’s day. Make a mistake and watch them become divine. Love, #COAFSE ... See more

Never take candy from strangers
Aka: learning from the lessons we teach our kids

It’s time that we follow the sage advice we give our children. We’ve made the decision to try to change everyone else, but not change our own behavior. If this logic worked- then we wouldn’t have to educate our kids on how to remain safe in a world that holds some threat. The truth is-there are some very bad boys out there running around in men’s bodies and they do much harm; however, we all have mentors, work colleagues, professors, clients, husbands, ministers, neighbors, brothers, fathers, sons... one or two of whom may not be sexual predators-but instead of changing some of our behaviors-we have chosen to vilify the lot and to essentially remove their right to even have an opinion on the matter of male & female engagements that we believe have gone wrong.

Look- if we want that juicy roll in an upcoming TV pilot and the producer suggests that we meet at his hotel room to discuss it-he’s not a good guy.

If we meet that handsome guy on tinder who says it will be easier to meet directly at his apartment-he’s not charming and he is certainly no prince.

In other words-let’s stop taking candy from strangers. Let’s manage own our destinies and #womanup on the spot.
#metoo is not going to engender goodwill in men- just fear of long term ramifications of engagements with women.

#womanup
#shuthimdown ... See more

#ImNoFeminist

Feminism defined: gender equality

Men and women are certainly not equal. Men are perfectly wonderful creations-but we have higher mean IQ’s, higher rates of education in countries where women are granted this freedom & we are the most important contributor to the perpetuation of the human species...this is a shortlist to prove that we are certainly not equal. The survival of humankind rests squarely on our shoulders. There are many men whom I love and admire greatly...but that said-women are better. That’s why I’m not a feminist. Why would i entertain the idea of trading down and that’s exactly what equality means to females.

So-this weird present detour that is supported by many women is particularly embarrassing and painful for me. I am wondering if I have fellow tribeswomen who share the sentiment. I’m not really interested in hearing from the victim class who would readily eviscerate me for suggesting that the incessant wingeing about workplace slights is an over reaction to a relatively simple problem that can be resolved in an immediate & direct way in most cases. #Shutitdown

So here’s the upshot of the #metoo movement. It has trivialized the importance of timely reporting of crimes. It has decimated presumption of innocence. There is true reason to be concerned it will compromise women’s employment opportunities. At the end of the day: if an employer can choose between equally qualified candidates-why would one choose a woman over man-and expose their organization to unnecessary risk? Additionally- it will see many self protecting men becoming more interested in commerce based sex... & we are creating a great opportunity for emerging AI meets the vagina industries.

#metoo overlooks two of the most reliable human facts:

0. It is much easier to change your own behavior vs that of another-but those who have suggested sensible actions to mitigate issues pertaining to sexual harassment are flatly dismissed as victim shamers.

0. We are the sum total of our experiences. Everyone has endured adversity and the most interesting people are the ones who have learned something from it & triumphed over each hardship. I think about Oprah Winfrey and her immense early life struggles & find it very discouraging that she should choose to focus more attention on pandering to the collective victim culture-than to share her insights about how one endures hardship and triumphs over such adversity-because she would have much to teach in this regard...yet she chooses to be extra discord in the #metoo cacophony.

Yes-there is no doubt that there are many awful boys parading around in men’s bodies, who have used influence to try to get sex. Every woman fortunate enough to call the G20 home should have the basic equipment necessary to shut these events down. Let’s not forget the way we determine whether or not sexual advances in the workplace are deemed appropriate or inappropriate: it’s the woman’s response. So if you’re not interested-shut the damned thing down. A simple stern direct eye contact reply of “That’s an inappropriate comment that DIDN’t happen. Let’s get back to work. NOW.!” will shut down the vast majority of these transgressions.

Somehow I wasn’t included in on the memo where every woman took a vow of chastity & has played no part in sexualizing their workplace...but even in these cases of being a contributor to the energy- you can shut that dalliance down almost immediately: “This game of ours has gotten out of hand & I’m shutting this thing down right this moment. This never happened and it’s not going to happen again.”

There may be more challenging manifestations of harassment & u can read alternative ideas in some of my other posts... but timely, strong, direct confrontation of the workplace problem will usually shut it down.

Can we please get back to the grand business of being extremely & wonderfully unequal? Let’s trade in #metoo mob-think victim crap for our more perfect birthright of running this joint we call earth.
Love, #coafse ... See more

#ShieldsUp to deal with unwanted sexual advances in the workplace

I dont wanna play #metoo. Its smacks of weakness. Let's create a real easy mechanism for women to deal with unwanted sexual advances by spreading this hashtag: #ShieldsUp

Go purchase yourself a perfectly cheap warrior shield. Any costume shop will have one. Bring it with you to work. When someone asks after it, make sure to tell them that you always don a shield to protect against sexual predators. It will be a funny, non-combative way to put a wayward colleague on notice.

Please share this post. Thank u. Love #coafse ... See more

Hugh (flaccid) Hefner takes a triple profit from Marilyn Monroe channeling Anna Nicole-via his post mortem tribute article. Way to exploit, u crafty geezer...& lucky u to get to have lived half over their combined lifespan.
Bitter irony that u will rest eternal next to your first victim: #MarilynMonroe whom u never compensated for your success & whom u never even met. Your profit enabled you to buy the exorbitantly expensive memorial plot because it was your desire to "sleep" next to a beautiful woman.
Way to take #femaleexploitation into eternity
#hughhefner
#hughflaccidhefner ... See more

The original Fab Four🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 happy birthday TO THE USA. U DON't look a day over 241❤️❤️❤️

Give your demons no power
Roger Waters concert review

I remember being 15 years old & terminally grounded to my small room with coffin black walls & mahogany accents.

At this time, Pink Floyd was the flavor de jour in music.

I listened to these songs.

Another brick in the wall, comfortably numb, & their "up" little ditty: wish u were here.

In every stanza, I could hear the haunting, desperate sucking on my soul.

All hope is lost.
Resistance is futile.

This "artist" was as helpful for me 40 years ago as he is today.

THEN. something in me knew knew that i would become this thing i was listening to. It was my destiny. It perfectly matched my circumstances.
Disappointment. Nothingness.

The absence of hope is the saddest thing on earth and that is the stuff this music is made of.
Hallow bellows. screaming despair.
A greek chorus as hopeless as any pen ever wept.

This is the music played in Dante's Inferno. Nobody complains. Each lost soul knows the lyrics & sings along.

At 15 years of age, I just couldn't be more lost. I couldn't endure more hopelessness. I had no choice but to turn off the radio.
I chose to save my life.

I had many years filled with challenges and pain and struggle and then finally acceptance and love. I grew very keen of the latter and worked hard for the next forty years to find more of that stuff.

… And I succeeded. This experience of Pink Floyd created a filter in me that shields me, to this day, from dark and ugly things.

NOW: i am a keen proponent of the concept that 'you get what you focus on' and that's why I believe it to be one of the most pure & perfect life hacks.

Today I sit outside the concert hall with a glorious window view on a pretty city called Downtown Los Angeles (yay, #dtla). I have witnessed a perfect sunset streaming through modern cut glass and pillars in a gorgeous building purposefully built to entertain.
This gives me the opportunity to hear the verbiage and give it no power with accompanying visuals. I can hear every word. Each strengthens my resolve that this is the stuff that builds nightmares.

Take drugs.
You are alone.
Hope is futile.
Education is worthless.
Your life will not be purposeful.
you are a brick in the wall.

So today-40 years later. I'm not a girl. I am a grown assed woman who is fascinated that Roger Waters has made a a lot of money by preaching of life's futility. True irony.

You get what you focus on.
#goodtrumpsevil
#rogerwaters

Focus on good, light, life, love...& watch it come to you.

❤️❤️❤️I love you. We all do. ❤️❤️❤️

. ... See more

I am feeling like a poser and I must come clean. We did not finish the Newport to Ensenada Yacht race. #N2E2017

We had the right boat. The right team and the wrong plan.

We got greedy and chased the big offshore wind. This was contrary to our original plan of hugging the coast and using the coastal breeze once the winds-shift occurred later in the evening.

This resulted in us being several miles west of #LosCoronados...a lovely set of islands off the coast of Tijuana, Mexico...with no wind for hour upon hour. Upon the 24th hour-it was abundantly clear that we were going to finish last in our class and bob up-and-down like a cork on choppy seas under windless skies between now and then...uncertain even of how long "then" might mean in terms of true time.

We made the decision to motor back to San Diego and get our butts down to Ensenada to celebrate the successes of our fellow yachtsmen.

We toasted their victories with a grand line straight from Napoleon himself-
"In times of victory-champagne is essential…& even more so in times of defeat"

At the end of the day-I admire our captain for his good judgment, because to quote another great mind:

"It is not the strongest of the species nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is most adaptable to change."

Cheers to adaptability irrespective of victory or defeat❤️❤️❤️
#adaptordie ... See more

Hello my dearest daughter-

The biggest dream that my heart could hold was the idea that I could be mother to a daughter.

I think that we both feel very alone right now. Separated by more than just the normal generational hiccup.

See-I grew up at a time when women were just women-they weren't a victim class. I competed & succeeded in two male-dominated industries.

I bought my first home as a single 21-year-old. When I went to the bank to ask for the loan-they asked me when my husband would be in to sign. I said I had forgotten to find one but I still qualified by income and to that they agreed.

I had a few overly-testosteroned males that wanted to peg me as pray and I had just as much fun diminishing their fragile egos over the same. It was never about financial injustice because when it came to having a conversation about how much I was worth-I never hesitated and I rarely lost those rounds... when I did-I required precise measurable performance goals and the promise of a return review once they were achieved.

For the most part, politics have not been in the way of making me feel happy about waking up in the morning. There was one time when such was the case. When a junior senator with the worst voting record on the team…an idealogue with zero private sector experience was chosen to be the CEO of the biggest & most powerful "company" on earth: the USA. At that time, I chose to take constructive action. I worked at & succeeded in gaining permanent residency in the other country that lives in my heart.

I'm thinking about the fortunate life that I've lived...& it occurs to me that your life is even more fortunate & that just may be the root of the problem.

You come from a family that values education. Mine did not. I worked myself through school and I was the first female to earn a college degree… at the age of 19. I still couldn't buy into the process of putting value in it so I smashed through it just to get it over with-thinking it might create some opportunities for me-all the while being a little bit embarrassed at the effort.

I was lucky enough to have experienced an abusive childhood and then in my later teen years, to be saved by my amazing grandparents. I got to understand what it feels like to be hurt & powerless and it's not something that I will allow a repeat performance.

The chief difference between your life and mine rests in the blessing that I had: adversity. They say that adversity builds character and I'm not sure about that, but I can tell you that it does creates the fight in someone to produce meaningful change.

I see you now, my beloved Don Quixote. It breaks my heart. It makes me ashamed to think that I didn't explain to you that protest must have a purpose. Your time would be much better spent investing energy in making yourself as powerful as you can be physically mentally and emotionally so you can produce real change in the world. Not by making somebody an overnight millionaire by buying a pretty kitty cap. I mean-even in this-why didn't they choose a lioness?
They hunt, kill & serve up food whilst the male attends to the cubs.
When an old male gets weak... a young one smashes them and becomes the new stay-at-home dad.

How can you feel like a victim, my daughter? How can you buy into grumpy multimillionaire females that tell you that you're a victim? Have you ever asked yourself why wealthy female celebrities are more interested in expressing "publicized empathy" in lieu of helping you to replicate their success? They should be forthcoming with a map. A book. A guide. Posturing public sympathy is cheap and smug. For them, where was this oppressive glass ceiling that they're warning you about? How did they smash through it and why aren't they telling you that bit?

How can you not understand that males live on your whim? You have the power to fix the broken gene pool. To eradicate all the ugly hostile dna out of it... simply by choosing not to canoodle with creeps.

Males need women but women do not need males--and that is true power, my darling. I don't intend for this to be hurtful anti-male manifesto. Actually I take that back-I don't really have a problem hurting males. I admire the hell out of men. They are quite different creatures than mere males. The defining difference being that they put the needs of others above their own. We truly need more men in this world and even in this-we are essential, my daughter. Victims raise males. Women raise men.

Women possess more than equal opportunity when it comes to education at the moment and if we make 25% less than a man in the workforce, please consider that on the aggregate-it is because we are kinder and more nurturing people on the whole-we are caregiving others about 25% of our workforce time. And even this is a gift. We get these memories. We have been invited to serve... & to be in the hearts and minds of those we cherish. It is our right to choose this process or pass on the invitation. Too, many of us are less inclined to pursue degrees that will result in higher incomes. (Maths, business, computer & biological sciences). We choose to follow majors that will result in lives of service.

I suppose this is at the root of my letter to you today. I miss being in your heart and mind. I miss you. I wish there were words that I could say to make you feel ok about the politics at hand or to have them fuel whatever fire they have lit within your soul to help u to write a gorgeous opus so that beautiful music can transport you from depression to constructive action.

I wish you had been fortunate enough to experience the gift of adversity, my beloved daughter. My heart's other half.

Love, #coafse
#victornotvictim
#girlpower ... See more

An institution that grants you special days expects something from you for the favor. Women are not "less-than" creations. We require no life handicap. Love, #coafse
#takeyourquarterturn #JustSayNoToPlatitudes ... See more

Lessons learnt from the Texas Two-Step

In an effort to look cool at a fantastic country-western bar close to my home in California... and mindful of my very limited spatial memory, I sought out professional training in order to navigate the dance floor in a less embarrassing fashion.

The format consisted of a line of both leaders (Men) and followers (not Men) & to ensure optimal learning, partners rotated out with each new step of the lesson.

My first observation related to the articulated anxiety by my leaders. Despite the knowledge of my own very limited skills with respect to executing dance steps, their verbal whingeing became intolerable by partner six. I wondered what the goal was in expressing this fear. I was compelled to ask one "leader" that exact question and he explained that it was a forward apology for what would surely be a poor performance on his part. Well, you truly do get what you focus on in life and a couple of foot bruises later, as the dutiful follower to so many of these insecure leaders, I felt my own confidence waning... then came a surprising turn of events.

By the end of the first step-count of four, I had managed to take the lead role with the next several partners & once there, it literally felt wrong to take another backwards step. You see, in the Texas two-step, the leader sees what comes next and the follower must take it on faith as they will rarely see the road ahead.

I realize that this endeavor had produced for me some introspection about the roles of males and females/leaders and followers. I had a strong sense that this was one of these subtle things that society unwittingly does which puts women in a mindset of compliance and I gave a silent thanks to my folks for having me take a pass on Cotillion.

More than this, I thought about the giant advantage that many women have when it comes to leadership.

Maybe it's the luckiest break that ever came down the pike that we were taught to follow instead of lead.

It was a sneaky quarter turn that always put me back in the lead and many of the men didn't even catch on. My nature was more patient and my move cues were more gentle than I had experienced with my male leads.

I thought about my own judgement at hiring magnificent people and the trust I place in them to get the job done. They don't require strong cues and I think we all enjoy the dance.

What a lucky break to be classified as a follower in business. Immeasurable advantage comes from being underestimated.

Redundant takeaway: leadership is not gender driven.

Ladies, It's time to take your quarter turn.

Love, #COAFSE
#lessonslearntfromthetexastwostep
#takeyourquarterturn ... See more

Women get it: small incentives for achievable goals create giant ROI
Love, #coafse
#smallrecognitionsrock

#KimKardashian has built an entrepreneurial empire on her "back". She assumes the toll of public scorn...that is her risk. The benefit? A multimillion dollar opt-in brand image built on her looks. Most of the outcry on the subject has come from women who purport to be feminists. A feminist seeks equal opportunity to men. There isn't a male model alive who wouldn't trade his measure of celebrity and wealth for Kim's. This is why #coafse has awarded her the honorary title of #buttrepreneur ... See more

Always secure your own tiara before assisting others with theirs. Love, #coafse

As females, we are very lucky in the workplace because
Sensitivity is a birthright and requires no “training”
The important skill to develop is emotional toughness.
Having ones ideas challenged is an opportunity for refinement.
Difficult bosses are a free seminar in entrepreneurial success.
“It’s not personal, it’s business” is our new mantra.
This post is dedicated to Isobelle. My 45 kilo powerhouse of a friend who has been known to cause less prepared male colleagues to breathe rhythmically into paper bags at business meetings.
Please share your experiences with mental toughness. Love, #COAFSE ... See more